i bolted. had a cup of coffee....calmed my nerves and got back to work.
as i think now...i understand. somehow we always kill our fears, our dreams and nightmares. and its all so easy. just justify things in terms of stark logic...and they lose that soul which makes you feel them.
the easiest way of forgetting someone you want to is to use her gifts like any other regular usable....as they lose their magic, we lose our memory and interest. let there be no ceremony...no funeral, just plain deliberate logic. it works wonders.
memory...now thats something i've never been good at. i still cannot recall if it was i or dada, my elder brother who started the fight that eventually broke my teeth. or why, for that matter i and priya broke up...did we? or the names of the regular females i had dated while i was seeing her.
you wake up one morning and find everyone you know has gone mad. what would you do? would you be scared?
talking about mornings...now that i am working night shifts, its been after quite a while that i see the sun rise. its not a very pretty sight from my plant considering all the SO2 fumes and the dust haze...but it still is the sun...and somehow it fortifies my faith. at times its nice to know that certain things are never going to change.
i was playing scrabbles with phoebe the other night till 2:00 am...and since i had some amount of wine left, we were sipping it while we were playing in the corridor ( i have been avoiding her room since that dumb looking female became her room mate). the looks we got from the passers by were stimulating.
i still disconcert people with my sudden outbursts of laughter. i laugh at everything...almost.
there is this female i do not know the name of, who has recently come to the hostel. she came with her mother. when they were cleaning their room, they found a sqiurrel's nest in their bathroom ventillator. it had three babies, about a week old. they threw the nest out along with the nestlings. during dinner that night, i found out they are vegeterians. it did not make me want to cry; it just made me want to strangulate them.
if i ever see these two dying on the road, i'll not stop or look back. it may kill my soul, but we already are an overpopulated species to be burdened with these degenerate mutants.
i am infuriated. but i'll get over it. i always get over things.
here's something i read in someone's blog tonight.
" Feelings, i never cared much for them anyways."
how true. its good to know there are some people like me out there.
Twinkle twinkle little bat
How i wonder what you're at
Up against the sky so blue
Stuck up there as though with glue.
have a great week start while i have my week end...finally.
