| I got this as a forwarded message....this thing looks rather interesting i must admit....whether the idea is good or not....i am unable to judge. |
Monday, May 08, 2006
Only in Japan
Sunday, May 07, 2006
thinking of you till it hurts...
| 'tis the air supply song again... I'm lying alone with my head on the phone Thinking of you till it hurts I know you hurt too but what else can we do Tormented and torn apart I wish I could carry your smile and my heart For times when my life feels so low It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you I know you were right believing for so long I 'm all out of love, what am I without you I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong I want you to come back and carry me home Away from this long lonely nights I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too Does the feeling seem oh so right And what would you say if I called on you now And said that I can't hold on There's no easy way, it gets harder each day Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone. I also know that you'll never read this blog....so its rather safe....is it not? |
Monday, April 24, 2006
sometimes...
sometimes i can't say shit from shinola. why is everyone so damn interested in tofu suddenly? i hate the taste....and the non-existing flavour. i call up the girl i've been seeing the last couple of days...and she says...she's gotta fly to singapore tomorrow and that she hates the idea...not that i mind...but she's gotta be there for 5 hrs and thats her god damn job and still she must whine about it....but i guess its worth cruising around chennai in the dark of the night...inhaling the lingering perfume...caressing the curve of her nape...and while i am composing this...i am talking to her and telling her that i am writing obnoxious things about her on the internet....and she's laughing ith me....i can almost see her laugh in front of my eyes and know that this is good...that i am happy right now....
and to think i still can't say shit from shinola....and i still hate tofu!!!
and to think i still can't say shit from shinola....and i still hate tofu!!!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
it's a mail thing
from the past few days my mailbox is being inundated by mails from rajbir, kenny, rathi and baishali....well what can i say....it sure feels great to receive mails....mails that have been composed and not just forwarded....its kinda intimate.....
and thanks to the ever increasing inbox size of my gmail account, i need not really worry about it getting full...so yeah....i'm enjoying this thing right now....it sure feels good.
well....looks like my blog is getting more and more texty if you know what i mean....
( texty??? what's wrong with me?)
anyways....think i have to upload a few pics to make it look nice.
i also need to check up the prices of microwave ovens....and i must get my net banking account activated.....
and i need to reply to those mails....
and thanks to the ever increasing inbox size of my gmail account, i need not really worry about it getting full...so yeah....i'm enjoying this thing right now....it sure feels good.
well....looks like my blog is getting more and more texty if you know what i mean....
( texty??? what's wrong with me?)
anyways....think i have to upload a few pics to make it look nice.
i also need to check up the prices of microwave ovens....and i must get my net banking account activated.....
and i need to reply to those mails....
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
sent mails...
today the pressure was a bit less on my plant....all the machines were working fine. so i decided to take a small break and check my mailbox in a rather detailed fashion.....this i had not been able to do for quite a while now....
fortunately or unfortunately i cannot say, but in a completely freak whim, i decided to check the sent mails folder.....and i stirred the hornets' nest of memories....
who'd have thought that the yahoo saved the sent mails right till over 5-6 years back???
at least i had not....
but they do. so i was left looking at mails i had sent to all the people i had known over these years....some who have become close friends....some who had come close and then have gone away....and some who have just gone away....
there were these mails to the sister of a good friend of mine....i had met her when i'd gone over to their place and had stayed for a couple of days....she is one of the most charming girls i've met....and real funny too...and we had talked about books....and poetry....and about her kid brother...and future and so much more....and i had known...if i had a sister, i'd have wanted someone like her....and then we had mailed one another for a while....and then stopped....and i don't even remember her name right now.....and i'm out of touch with her brother too even though i have his mobile number...sad....right???
and then there were those mails to long forgotten chat friends....of girls i'd dated once..or maybe twice....mails to some school friends...who i have absolutely no idea whatsoever of at present
and yeah...there were these mails to this guy who had sent me a mail by mistake coz he wanted to send a mail to another abhijit deb roy, we too exchanged a couple of mails.....and then it stopped.
and those " hey how are you doing? i am doing fine....see you later" mails to countless number of people....
and that one mail to a friend who broke my heart....asking him never to contact me and wishing him luck...
so many things have changed in the past six years.....
i deleted those mails though, they still retain some sort of power over me...they still make me feel good, and sad....they still have the power to hurt me....
and i have stopped using that email address.
fortunately or unfortunately i cannot say, but in a completely freak whim, i decided to check the sent mails folder.....and i stirred the hornets' nest of memories....
who'd have thought that the yahoo saved the sent mails right till over 5-6 years back???
at least i had not....
but they do. so i was left looking at mails i had sent to all the people i had known over these years....some who have become close friends....some who had come close and then have gone away....and some who have just gone away....
there were these mails to the sister of a good friend of mine....i had met her when i'd gone over to their place and had stayed for a couple of days....she is one of the most charming girls i've met....and real funny too...and we had talked about books....and poetry....and about her kid brother...and future and so much more....and i had known...if i had a sister, i'd have wanted someone like her....and then we had mailed one another for a while....and then stopped....and i don't even remember her name right now.....and i'm out of touch with her brother too even though i have his mobile number...sad....right???
and then there were those mails to long forgotten chat friends....of girls i'd dated once..or maybe twice....mails to some school friends...who i have absolutely no idea whatsoever of at present
and yeah...there were these mails to this guy who had sent me a mail by mistake coz he wanted to send a mail to another abhijit deb roy, we too exchanged a couple of mails.....and then it stopped.
and those " hey how are you doing? i am doing fine....see you later" mails to countless number of people....
and that one mail to a friend who broke my heart....asking him never to contact me and wishing him luck...
so many things have changed in the past six years.....
i deleted those mails though, they still retain some sort of power over me...they still make me feel good, and sad....they still have the power to hurt me....
and i have stopped using that email address.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Phoebe called me in the afternoon....she asked me to guess what she had done....so i said without any hesitation....nothing. she was furious. then she said its something she did pretty often...take a second guess....so i said you went out to some major breakfast event??? she was raging by now....so i gave up....you can go honest only to a certain extent...right???
she's dislocated her knee bone again.....she seems to have a rare talent to get her bones fractured or dislocated....this is the third time she's got her knee bones screwed up....and how???
she jumped over her gate. the land lord was sleeping and she did not wanted to wake him up....so she jumped. well that was the last thing she knew before getting to hospital.....
i could not help excaiming..."what the **** were you thinking???"
she was slightly amused....she said "do not swear to me."
i retorted "if you hold any illusions that I am supposed to treat you like a lady...please take a reality check; and for pete's sake...ladies do not jump gates at 5:30 in the morning so they can rush to the gym..."
and well....that was not all...her land lady said she knew a lady doctor and so phoebe decided to get there....it turned out to be a gynaecologist....i wonder what that lady was thinking...but when she told me that i could not help bursting out laughing.....
"wow...what a great impression of you your landlady has..."
"very funny" she said. but she definitely did not sound amused....what the heck.
so she'll possibly get back to her place take a break from all her studies for a couple of days and chill out. good for her.
and all the while i was chattering away laughing out with her; it completely slipped my mind to wish her a speedy recovery....
so here it goes...
"Get well soon girl....at least for the sake of the bed!!!"
from your monkey bone.
she's dislocated her knee bone again.....she seems to have a rare talent to get her bones fractured or dislocated....this is the third time she's got her knee bones screwed up....and how???
she jumped over her gate. the land lord was sleeping and she did not wanted to wake him up....so she jumped. well that was the last thing she knew before getting to hospital.....
i could not help excaiming..."what the **** were you thinking???"
she was slightly amused....she said "do not swear to me."
i retorted "if you hold any illusions that I am supposed to treat you like a lady...please take a reality check; and for pete's sake...ladies do not jump gates at 5:30 in the morning so they can rush to the gym..."
and well....that was not all...her land lady said she knew a lady doctor and so phoebe decided to get there....it turned out to be a gynaecologist....i wonder what that lady was thinking...but when she told me that i could not help bursting out laughing.....
"wow...what a great impression of you your landlady has..."
"very funny" she said. but she definitely did not sound amused....what the heck.
so she'll possibly get back to her place take a break from all her studies for a couple of days and chill out. good for her.
and all the while i was chattering away laughing out with her; it completely slipped my mind to wish her a speedy recovery....
so here it goes...
"Get well soon girl....at least for the sake of the bed!!!"
from your monkey bone.
Monday, October 24, 2005
today was my weekly off.....so what did i do?
well...i woke up late....made myself a neat cup of horlicks (i still like it)...and then checked out on sandeep...he was sleeping as usual...he had had his first night shift of the week....and since there was no one else i wanted to meet....i came to town...sat in front of the pc in a very stuffy cafe....and here i am writing my blog after a long long time....
of course coming to the "town" has its own advantages.....i can be all by myself....i dont really have to adhere to any rules....and then the sound of the sea....all around...slowly drowning your senses like a stone drowning in a thick syrup....and the salty smell of the spray....no i did not see the sea today...nor do i intend to...the sea here is tied up by fishing nets....tamed by the endless ships and trawlers...the beach dirty with people and houses....but when i do not see it all....and only hear the roar harkening in the background....it stirs something inside of me...something so ancient...it is not possible to name it....
funny...language is supposed to give us the freedom of expression....but all it ever does is to restrain us with tame trained words and ties us down with correct grammar.....proper usage and a million other excuses
so what did i do today?
when i felt hungry....i went out and had my lunch....and then i could see a storm gathering....its a rare sight in here...it rarely rains in here as a matter of fact....i could not pass the temptation...i just wandered away on the streets...getting drenched...smelling the drops falling from my hair onto my face.... i have always had a fetish for water....and now since there was no one around to censure....... i could give away to my self....
and then when the rain stopped, i was in front of the cathedral in here....so why not go in? ....i had been yearning to go somewhere solitary....why i do not know; nor do i care to know. only i wanted some place silent....peaceful
i was disappointed...whatever i was seeking was not to be found in here in this cathedral...it was empty enough.....but no..... it was as though hollow....no soul in it....or maybe it is just me....
so here i am back again to the same cyber cafe....pouring myself out in my blog for everybody who cares to read....
its all in the game!!!
well...i woke up late....made myself a neat cup of horlicks (i still like it)...and then checked out on sandeep...he was sleeping as usual...he had had his first night shift of the week....and since there was no one else i wanted to meet....i came to town...sat in front of the pc in a very stuffy cafe....and here i am writing my blog after a long long time....
of course coming to the "town" has its own advantages.....i can be all by myself....i dont really have to adhere to any rules....and then the sound of the sea....all around...slowly drowning your senses like a stone drowning in a thick syrup....and the salty smell of the spray....no i did not see the sea today...nor do i intend to...the sea here is tied up by fishing nets....tamed by the endless ships and trawlers...the beach dirty with people and houses....but when i do not see it all....and only hear the roar harkening in the background....it stirs something inside of me...something so ancient...it is not possible to name it....
funny...language is supposed to give us the freedom of expression....but all it ever does is to restrain us with tame trained words and ties us down with correct grammar.....proper usage and a million other excuses
so what did i do today?
when i felt hungry....i went out and had my lunch....and then i could see a storm gathering....its a rare sight in here...it rarely rains in here as a matter of fact....i could not pass the temptation...i just wandered away on the streets...getting drenched...smelling the drops falling from my hair onto my face.... i have always had a fetish for water....and now since there was no one around to censure....... i could give away to my self....
and then when the rain stopped, i was in front of the cathedral in here....so why not go in? ....i had been yearning to go somewhere solitary....why i do not know; nor do i care to know. only i wanted some place silent....peaceful
i was disappointed...whatever i was seeking was not to be found in here in this cathedral...it was empty enough.....but no..... it was as though hollow....no soul in it....or maybe it is just me....
so here i am back again to the same cyber cafe....pouring myself out in my blog for everybody who cares to read....
its all in the game!!!
my durga puja
it has been a long while....and i realized it only after dubari asked me if i have stopped blogging....funny...that also made me realize that she must have been checking my blog after all...
durga puja went by without i even realizing it did so....i am as far away from home as i possibly could be while still in india....puja....no getting up at 5:00 in the morning for mahalaya this time...no shopping for new clothes...or choosing sarees for my mother....no smell of the coral jasmine flooding the morning mists....and no meeting up with old friends and planning out for the day...all thats passe....
durga puja this time went away while i was working like a bull in my plant....trying to match the daily stock...shouting after erring labourers....trying to solve the problems my project is facing...and then coming back to the hostel and dropping dead on the bed....
durga puja just went away this time...
rajbir smsed me a "shubho bijoya" and of course i called almost everyone i should and wished them the same...
only this time for the first time perhaps i realized how much it meant to me...for this time the only durga i saw was on the news paper...
shubho bijoya
durga puja went by without i even realizing it did so....i am as far away from home as i possibly could be while still in india....puja....no getting up at 5:00 in the morning for mahalaya this time...no shopping for new clothes...or choosing sarees for my mother....no smell of the coral jasmine flooding the morning mists....and no meeting up with old friends and planning out for the day...all thats passe....
durga puja this time went away while i was working like a bull in my plant....trying to match the daily stock...shouting after erring labourers....trying to solve the problems my project is facing...and then coming back to the hostel and dropping dead on the bed....
durga puja just went away this time...
rajbir smsed me a "shubho bijoya" and of course i called almost everyone i should and wished them the same...
only this time for the first time perhaps i realized how much it meant to me...for this time the only durga i saw was on the news paper...
shubho bijoya
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Sunday, September 04, 2005
floating down...
I saw a goose down floating in the air today....it has been so long I had seen one; or more probably noticed one. I was thinking how this ignorance had crept into me...but i could not hold my patience...i realized i was smiling wide at its sight.
How long has it been that you've smiled at a goose down?
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Happy birthday to me!!!
so its my birthday again...after one whole year. now that was a pretty long wait. and guess what...its my elder brother's birthday too...so happy birthday dada!!!
the first to call were the fabulous four juniors of my college...well that was expected. what was not was that they sang "happy birthday to you" for me...i do not know how should i say thanks without trivializing the meaning it holds for me.
vishy forgot it again...but its ok. he called up soon enough!!
kukil and ambarish too...only they were disappointed at not being able to wake me up from sleep...i was wide awake...so it didn't work out for them...but anyways..i guess thats not the point.
and yes i am working late tonight...so the people back in hostel got all fidgety and eventually binu called me up and asked me to get there...and get back to work after that. and i did. it was amazing....thankfully no egg pelting...amazing cake and yes...the gift..they gave me a set of poster colours....now that took my breath away. it genuinely did.
phoebe was there...all awake to meet and wish me...and everyone else...nikhil, nokul, tara, rekha, loku, saravanan....everybody!!!
and sandeep... thank you dude...i guess i should not say thanks...but then you'll probably never check my blog out so its my secret well kept. thanks for calling me the
the first to call were the fabulous four juniors of my college...well that was expected. what was not was that they sang "happy birthday to you" for me...i do not know how should i say thanks without trivializing the meaning it holds for me.
vishy forgot it again...but its ok. he called up soon enough!!
kukil and ambarish too...only they were disappointed at not being able to wake me up from sleep...i was wide awake...so it didn't work out for them...but anyways..i guess thats not the point.
and yes i am working late tonight...so the people back in hostel got all fidgety and eventually binu called me up and asked me to get there...and get back to work after that. and i did. it was amazing....thankfully no egg pelting...amazing cake and yes...the gift..they gave me a set of poster colours....now that took my breath away. it genuinely did.phoebe was there...all awake to meet and wish me...and everyone else...nikhil, nokul, tara, rekha, loku, saravanan....everybody!!!
and sandeep... thank you dude...i guess i should not say thanks...but then you'll probably never check my blog out so its my secret well kept. thanks for calling me the
birthday baby...and thanks for everything else...most of all --- for standing me.
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to dear old me
and happy birthday to me!!!
Monday, August 29, 2005
just raving...
i was standing outside my plant tonight at about 3:00 am....and suddenly i realised that all around me there were just concrete constructions...there was not a single tree. i was scared.
i bolted. had a cup of coffee....calmed my nerves and got back to work.
as i think now...i understand. somehow we always kill our fears, our dreams and nightmares. and its all so easy. just justify things in terms of stark logic...and they lose that soul which makes you feel them.
the easiest way of forgetting someone you want to is to use her gifts like any other regular usable....as they lose their magic, we lose our memory and interest. let there be no ceremony...no funeral, just plain deliberate logic. it works wonders.
memory...now thats something i've never been good at. i still cannot recall if it was i or dada, my elder brother who started the fight that eventually broke my teeth. or why, for that matter i and priya broke up...did we? or the names of the regular females i had dated while i was seeing her.
you wake up one morning and find everyone you know has gone mad. what would you do? would you be scared?
talking about mornings...now that i am working night shifts, its been after quite a while that i see the sun rise. its not a very pretty sight from my plant considering all the SO2 fumes and the dust haze...but it still is the sun...and somehow it fortifies my faith. at times its nice to know that certain things are never going to change.
i was playing scrabbles with phoebe the other night till 2:00 am...and since i had some amount of wine left, we were sipping it while we were playing in the corridor ( i have been avoiding her room since that dumb looking female became her room mate). the looks we got from the passers by were stimulating.
i still disconcert people with my sudden outbursts of laughter. i laugh at everything...almost.
there is this female i do not know the name of, who has recently come to the hostel. she came with her mother. when they were cleaning their room, they found a sqiurrel's nest in their bathroom ventillator. it had three babies, about a week old. they threw the nest out along with the nestlings. during dinner that night, i found out they are vegeterians. it did not make me want to cry; it just made me want to strangulate them.
if i ever see these two dying on the road, i'll not stop or look back. it may kill my soul, but we already are an overpopulated species to be burdened with these degenerate mutants.
i am infuriated. but i'll get over it. i always get over things.
here's something i read in someone's blog tonight.
" Feelings, i never cared much for them anyways."
how true. its good to know there are some people like me out there.
i bolted. had a cup of coffee....calmed my nerves and got back to work.
as i think now...i understand. somehow we always kill our fears, our dreams and nightmares. and its all so easy. just justify things in terms of stark logic...and they lose that soul which makes you feel them.
the easiest way of forgetting someone you want to is to use her gifts like any other regular usable....as they lose their magic, we lose our memory and interest. let there be no ceremony...no funeral, just plain deliberate logic. it works wonders.
memory...now thats something i've never been good at. i still cannot recall if it was i or dada, my elder brother who started the fight that eventually broke my teeth. or why, for that matter i and priya broke up...did we? or the names of the regular females i had dated while i was seeing her.
you wake up one morning and find everyone you know has gone mad. what would you do? would you be scared?
talking about mornings...now that i am working night shifts, its been after quite a while that i see the sun rise. its not a very pretty sight from my plant considering all the SO2 fumes and the dust haze...but it still is the sun...and somehow it fortifies my faith. at times its nice to know that certain things are never going to change.
i was playing scrabbles with phoebe the other night till 2:00 am...and since i had some amount of wine left, we were sipping it while we were playing in the corridor ( i have been avoiding her room since that dumb looking female became her room mate). the looks we got from the passers by were stimulating.
i still disconcert people with my sudden outbursts of laughter. i laugh at everything...almost.
there is this female i do not know the name of, who has recently come to the hostel. she came with her mother. when they were cleaning their room, they found a sqiurrel's nest in their bathroom ventillator. it had three babies, about a week old. they threw the nest out along with the nestlings. during dinner that night, i found out they are vegeterians. it did not make me want to cry; it just made me want to strangulate them.
if i ever see these two dying on the road, i'll not stop or look back. it may kill my soul, but we already are an overpopulated species to be burdened with these degenerate mutants.
i am infuriated. but i'll get over it. i always get over things.
here's something i read in someone's blog tonight.
" Feelings, i never cared much for them anyways."
how true. its good to know there are some people like me out there.
Twinkle twinkle little bat
How i wonder what you're at
Up against the sky so blue
Stuck up there as though with glue.
have a great week start while i have my week end...finally.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
lost in time
madurai...getting down from the bus slightly apprehensive...what if things have changed? or what if things are different than i had perceived?
stupid me.
even as the day passed by...chocolat going on unnoticed on the television...lunch and dinner all half forgotten...what is it that we did?
to borrow a line, "we did not visit the minakshi temple."
how apt.
why this image?
i think you'll understand.
and i hope no one else will... they never had. right?
Friday, August 26, 2005
limecat...and some nostalgia
Vishy, Rajbir and Kenny I think shall be able to recognise this picture...Vishy had hated it, and Rajbir..well i do not really remember, which is odd since this was not too many moons back.
But then, certain things have changed...like our location, and of course our occupation.
Maybe we did not.
I know you hated this as the desktop of your computer Rajbir... I just never understood why.
everything's eventual...
" Birdie's needs were simple; food, sleep, catnip and me...in that order."
I read that somewhere in some book...this line has haunted me since.
I wish I knew why.
I read that somewhere in some book...this line has haunted me since.
I wish I knew why.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
