today was my weekly off.....so what did i do?

well...i woke up late....made myself a neat cup of horlicks (i still like it)...and then checked out on sandeep...he was sleeping as usual...he had had his first night shift of the week....and since there was no one else i wanted to meet....i came to town...sat in front of the pc in a very stuffy cafe....and here i am writing my blog after a long long time....

of course coming to the "town" has its own advantages.....i can be all by myself....i dont really have to adhere to any rules....and then the sound of the sea....all around...slowly drowning your senses like a stone drowning in a thick syrup....and the salty smell of the spray....no i did not see the sea today...nor do i intend to...the sea here is tied up by fishing nets....tamed by the endless ships and trawlers...the beach dirty with people and houses....but when i do not see it all....and only hear the roar harkening in the background....it stirs something inside of me...something so ancient...it is not possible to name it....

funny...language is supposed to give us the freedom of expression....but all it ever does is to restrain us with tame trained words and ties us down with correct grammar.....proper usage and a million other excuses

so what did i do today?

when i felt hungry....i went out and had my lunch....and then i could see a storm gathering....its a rare sight in here...it rarely rains in here as a matter of fact....i could not pass the temptation...i just wandered away on the streets...getting drenched...smelling the drops falling from my hair onto my face.... i have always had a fetish for water....and now since there was no one around to censure....... i could give away to my self....

and then when the rain stopped, i was in front of the cathedral in here....so why not go in? ....i had been yearning to go somewhere solitary....why i do not know; nor do i care to know. only i wanted some place silent....peaceful

i was disappointed...whatever i was seeking was not to be found in here in this cathedral...it was empty enough.....but no..... it was as though hollow....no soul in it....or maybe it is just me....

so here i am back again to the same cyber cafe....pouring myself out in my blog for everybody who cares to read....

its all in the game!!!

my durga puja

it has been a long while....and i realized it only after dubari asked me if i have stopped blogging....funny...that also made me realize that she must have been checking my blog after all...

durga puja went by without i even realizing it did so....i am as far away from home as i possibly could be while still in india....puja....no getting up at 5:00 in the morning for mahalaya this time...no shopping for new clothes...or choosing sarees for my mother....no smell of the coral jasmine flooding the morning mists....and no meeting up with old friends and planning out for the day...all thats passe....

durga puja this time went away while i was working like a bull in my plant....trying to match the daily stock...shouting after erring labourers....trying to solve the problems my project is facing...and then coming back to the hostel and dropping dead on the bed....

durga puja just went away this time...

rajbir smsed me a "shubho bijoya" and of course i called almost everyone i should and wished them the same...

only this time for the first time perhaps i realized how much it meant to me...for this time the only durga i saw was on the news paper...

shubho bijoya

Phoebe left yesterday.

I hate to walk slow...be it for my date who cannot keep up...or because of my new shoes that are cutting into my ankles...

floating down...

I saw a goose down floating in the air today....it has been so long I had seen one; or more probably noticed one. I was thinking how this ignorance had crept into me...but i could not hold my patience...i realized i was smiling wide at its sight.

How long has it been that you've smiled at a goose down?

Happy birthday to me!!!

so its my birthday again...after one whole year. now that was a pretty long wait. and guess what...its my elder brother's birthday too...so happy birthday dada!!!

the first to call were the fabulous four juniors of my college...well that was expected. what was not was that they sang "happy birthday to you" for me...i do not know how should i say thanks without trivializing the meaning it holds for me.

vishy forgot it again...but its ok. he called up soon enough!!

kukil and ambarish too...only they were disappointed at not being able to wake me up from sleep...i was wide awake...so it didn't work out for them...but anyways..i guess thats not the point.

and yes i am working late tonight...so the people back in hostel got all fidgety and eventually binu called me up and asked me to get there...and get back to work after that. and i did. it was amazing....thankfully no egg pelting...amazing cake and yes...the gift..they gave me a set of poster colours....now that took my breath away. it genuinely did.

phoebe was there...all awake to meet and wish me...and everyone else...nikhil, nokul, tara, rekha, loku, saravanan....everybody!!!

and sandeep... thank you dude...i guess i should not say thanks...but then you'll probably never check my blog out so its my secret well kept. thanks for calling me the

birthday baby...and thanks for everything else...most of all --- for standing me.

happy birthday to me

happy birthday to me

happy birthday to dear old me

and happy birthday to me!!!

just raving...

i was standing outside my plant tonight at about 3:00 am....and suddenly i realised that all around me there were just concrete constructions...there was not a single tree. i was scared.

i bolted. had a cup of coffee....calmed my nerves and got back to work.

as i think now...i understand. somehow we always kill our fears, our dreams and nightmares. and its all so easy. just justify things in terms of stark logic...and they lose that soul which makes you feel them.

the easiest way of forgetting someone you want to is to use her gifts like any other regular usable....as they lose their magic, we lose our memory and interest. let there be no ceremony...no funeral, just plain deliberate logic. it works wonders.

memory...now thats something i've never been good at. i still cannot recall if it was i or dada, my elder brother who started the fight that eventually broke my teeth. or why, for that matter i and priya broke up...did we? or the names of the regular females i had dated while i was seeing her.

you wake up one morning and find everyone you know has gone mad. what would you do? would you be scared?

talking about mornings...now that i am working night shifts, its been after quite a while that i see the sun rise. its not a very pretty sight from my plant considering all the SO2 fumes and the dust haze...but it still is the sun...and somehow it fortifies my faith. at times its nice to know that certain things are never going to change.

i was playing scrabbles with phoebe the other night till 2:00 am...and since i had some amount of wine left, we were sipping it while we were playing in the corridor ( i have been avoiding her room since that dumb looking female became her room mate). the looks we got from the passers by were stimulating.

i still disconcert people with my sudden outbursts of laughter. i laugh at everything...almost.

there is this female i do not know the name of, who has recently come to the hostel. she came with her mother. when they were cleaning their room, they found a sqiurrel's nest in their bathroom ventillator. it had three babies, about a week old. they threw the nest out along with the nestlings. during dinner that night, i found out they are vegeterians. it did not make me want to cry; it just made me want to strangulate them.

if i ever see these two dying on the road, i'll not stop or look back. it may kill my soul, but we already are an overpopulated species to be burdened with these degenerate mutants.

i am infuriated. but i'll get over it. i always get over things.

here's something i read in someone's blog tonight.

" Feelings, i never cared much for them anyways."

how true. its good to know there are some people like me out there.

Twinkle twinkle little bat

How i wonder what you're at

Up against the sky so blue

Stuck up there as though with glue.

have a great week start while i have my week end...finally.

lost in time

madurai...

getting down from the bus slightly apprehensive...what if things have changed? or what if things are different than i had perceived?

stupid me.

even as the day passed by...chocolat going on unnoticed on the television...lunch and dinner all half forgotten...what is it that we did?

to borrow a line, "we did not visit the minakshi temple."

how apt.

why this image?

i think you'll understand.

and i hope no one else will... they never had. right?

limecat...and some nostalgia

Vishy, Rajbir and Kenny I think shall be able to recognise this picture...Vishy had hated it, and Rajbir..well i do not really remember, which is odd since this was not too many moons back.

But then, certain things have changed...like our location, and of course our occupation.

Maybe we did not.

I know you hated this as the desktop of your computer Rajbir... I just never understood why.

everything's eventual...

" Birdie's needs were simple; food, sleep, catnip and me...in that order."

I read that somewhere in some book...this line has haunted me since.

I wish I knew why.